How to have better sex: Sexual Fitness

As with all fitness regimes, sexual fitness requires a holistic approach.

Firstly, general fitness and nutrition is as important to your sexual health as it is to your health in general. I don’t have to explain how important general fitness is and for sexual health, we don’t need to be triathlon athletes, we simply need a basic consistent exercise routine which leaves you between marathon runner and couch potato. Balance is the key word. If you’re not into extreme cardio, pilates is a great option as it strengthens the core but has tremendous positive results on your whole body. Brisk walks, Tai Chi, gym workouts, tennis…anything you enjoy doing on a regular basis to increase your overall fitness and stamina. Smoking cigarettes is proven to be one of the worst things one can do to your sexual health as nicotine is a stimulant that restricts blood flow to the small blood vessels in the skin which erodes your ability to feel skin sensations and impairs circulation to the point that many smokers have difficulty becoming aroused and having orgasms. Obesity, among other health concerns, influences mobility and flexibility during sexual activities as well as impairing your ability to feel sensations in the genital area and have erections and orgasms. Men who are severely overweight often find that the fat layer over their pelvic area reduces their penis by several inches (condition referred to as the concealed, or hidden penis). It is therefore truly important to look after your general health and adapt a health and well-being orientated mindset.

From increased flexibility to more mindfulness to familiarity with—and confidence in—your body, the benefits of yoga practice can really pay off in the bedroom, says Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of The Coregasm Workout.

Self-Muscle Exercises:

The pubococcygeal muscles, also known as the PC/ Kegel or Love muscles stretches from the pubic bone to your tailbone and both men and women have it. Kegel exercises are applicable to both men and women (it’s not just a female thing!) and the benefits of regular exercise are plentiful:

Strong PC muscles benefit women who are not orgasmic
Strong PC muscles promotes stronger and longer erections, prevents premature ejaculation and helps to obtain multiple orgasms
Women with strong PC muscles are more likely to achieve orgasm with tighter vaginal walls
Women who can flex their PC muscles during sex to heighten their and their partners’ sensations
Both men and women can learn to use their strengthened PC muscles as *power pumping (pompoir power; see below for explanation) during sex
Improved prostate health in men as the prostate is more likely to expel all of its content during ejaculation
Improves bladder control

* Pompoir power is an ancient secret technique where the women flex her muscles around the penis (or “pumps” it) making the man feel like she’s milking his ejaculation.

In short, strong PC muscles mean better sex – improved erectile functioning, quicker orgasmic response, and intensified pleasure.

Locating your PC muscles:

Women: Place one of your fingers lightly against your vaginal lips or inside your vagina up to the first knuckle. Pretend you are urinating and want to stop the flow. The muscle that tightens around your finger when you do this is your PC muscle. You may remove your finger.

Men: Lightly place two fingers behind your testicles. Imagine you are urinating and want to stop the flow. The muscle that you squeeze internally to stop the flow is the PC muscle. Practice stopping and starting the flow of your urination a few times so that you know where this muscle group is located.

Note: never practice your Kegels whilst emptying your bladder as it can cause urinary tract infection.

Exercise One:

There are three ways in which you can do Kegel exercises:

While on your side (easy)
While on your back (easy)
While standing or sitting (a little harder)

Important: Ensure your bladder is empty before commencing with your Kegel exercises. When you exercise your PC muscles, note that it is as important to relax them (see section on inverted Kegels) as it is to contract them. Also note that you should stick to your Kegel exercise routine and not overdo it (completely possible as with all muscle groups)! If you're like me and Kegels aren't exactly front of mind during the day, set a reminder on your phone, make it part of your exercise regime, post meditation or simply include it as part of a specific daily routine. Patti Britton explained the following PC muscle exercise which I have found to be the most convenient and effective:

Locate your PC muscles and squeeze then tightly on a two-count hold (so begin to tighten, on count one your muscles are semi-tightened and on count two they are completely tights)
Say one-potato, two potato for the count.
Release them for one count (one-potato).
Repeat these 20 times.
Take a short rest – 20 seconds.
Do the whole exercise two more times for a total of 60 repetitions.
Do this exercise every day. You will likely experience positive results after 3-weeks.

When you do your Kegel exercises, take care to breath normally throughout and do not tense the muscles in your buttocks, abdomen, thighs or face.

If you are older or overweight, you may want to start with fewer repetitions and work your way up.

Advanced Exercise:

Barbara Keesling provides a challenging advanced exercise for both men and women. After having done above exercises for 3-4 weeks, try this advanced exercise. In addition to twenty-five quick repetitions, add 10 slow repetitions. Try to gradually tense the muscle for a count of five, hold it for a count of five, and then push it back out for a count of five.

The first time you do this exercise you may only be able to do it once or twice.

Eventually you can work up to ten repetitions.

Try a version of this exercise where you tighten your PC muscle for a count of ten, hold it for a count of ten, and release it for a count of ten. It may take you days or weeks to accomplish this. How much time it takes doesn’t matter; the improved muscle tone does.

Kegel Balls for women:

Add aids such as Kegel (Ben Wa) balls. These come in all shapes and sizes, some can vibrate, some can measure the force you apply and others are in made of semi-precious stone (yoni balls). You don't need to break the bank here; start with something that fits your budget and personal style. Have water-based lubricant handy for these exercises and avoid if:

you are pregnant or recovering from childbirth
have existing pelvic pain or an active pelvic infection
are recovering from gynecological surgery
have an intrauterine device
use a menstrual cup

How to exercise with Kegel balls:

Initially, complete the exercises whilst lying on your back and advance towards a seated position and ultimately a standing position
Tighten your pelvic floor muscles to lift and squeeze the balls
Hold the contraction for 5 seconds, then relax for another 5 seconds
Repeat this step 5 times in a row to complete one set
Visit this article for the correct use of Kegel balls

The "Inverted Kegel"

The inverted Kegel is an exercise where you relax your PC muscle and actually stretch it. It does the following three things:

You get better balance and control of your pelvic floor muscles
If you have trouble relaxing in bed, it may help to use the inverted Kegels while having sex
If you have trained the inverted Kegels well, it ensures that you can delay your orgasm

Other Exercises:

Pelvic thrusts, rolls and tilts improves strength and control of the voluntary muscles in your pelvic floor. These exercises will help you loosen up and release tension in your abdomen, buttocks and thigh muscles. Remember to keep your stomach and leg muscles relaxed and to breathe through the exercises.

Include squats as part of your exercise routine; squats are phenomenal for strengthening PC muscles and the pelvic floor. Stretching also benefits your PC muscles and flexibility.

A good source to obtain to accompany you on your sexual fitness journey, is The Coregasm Workout by Dr. Debby Herbenick which you can obtain via Amazon Kindle or print copy. We tend to pay so much attention to every other aspect of our lives and expect our sexuality to simply follow the lead of our lives, yet one can’t expect to have great core muscles without exercising them, or to achieve success as work without putting in the time and effort… and the same goes for sex. We must put in the time and effort; consistent effort leads to success. Arm yourself with the knowledge, get your partner to join you or a friend(s) and simply go for it.

Chat Soon.

With Love,

Lynett O.

Sources:

Sexual Healing, 3^rd Edition, by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D
The Art of Sex Coaching, by Patti Britton

Sense and Sexuality

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