How to have better sex: Breathing

Sexual activities are intentional acts. This means our experience is our responsibility to elevate or be content with. In a series of blogs, I’ll share information on breathing techniques, sexual fitness, self-touch and communication. Good sex is not about a hard penis entering a lubricated vagina. Good sexual experiences are created when partners are enthusiastic, creative and present in the moment. It requires self-knowledge and acceptance. Comprehensive Sexuality Education consists of three legs; Information, Attitude and Skill. 

It’s the will, not the skill.

Set yourself up for success. When deciding on improving your sexual experiences, truly throw yourself at this endeavor. The purpose lies in the journey.     

"If anybody trains you on a sport, they're going to train you first on your breathing. If you begin to work with your breath, just like you would in a yoga class, or if you're running, or doing anything physical where you coordinate your breath and your movement, all of a sudden you create a rhythm... Finding the rhythm of your own breath—not only through sex but all things—is going to improve your life, your endurance, and your ability to remain calm and not anxious." —Kumi Sawyers, an instructor at Sky Ting Yoga in New York

Breathing is important because it not only directs oxygen where it needs to go but, when controlled, acts as a relaxant agent directly influencing our state of anxiety and comfort. Breathing is a critical part of sexual healing and of controlling orgasms.  There are two aspects to breathing; slowness and evenness. Slowing your breathing will relax your whole body whilst keeping your breathing consistent will allow sexual energy to flow throughout your body. Holding your breath when you become sexually aroused with diminish your arousal. By practicing below breathing techniques, you could apply them to delay or extend orgasm, to reduce anxiety, to promote sexual healing and to elevate your sexual experience.       

                                         Photo by Victor Garcia on Unsplash

Basic Breathing

Lie comfortably on your bed with comfortable clothing. Place your hand over your heart to get a sense of how fast it is beating (self-awareness). Now place your hand on your abdomen. Blow all the air in your lungs out of your mouth. Slowly inhale through your mouth and equally slowly exhale. Don't hold your breath at any time during this exercise. The inhale/exhale cycle should be a continuous process. Repeat for a few minutes.

Advanced Breathing

This is a good exercise if you are especially anxious or experience a lot of stress. Lie down in a relaxed position. Rapidly blow all the air out of your lungs through your nose. Inhaling slowly, take all the air you can back in through your nose. As soon as the air is in your lungs, start breathing it back out, slowly. Don’t hold your breath and don’t pause between inhaling and exhaling. Your breathing is under your conscious control. Repeat 5-6 times in a row. It will slow down your heart rate and lower your blood pressure.

Belly Breathing

Lie comfortably on your back. Place one hand on your abdomen and the other on your heart. Take a deep, slow breath that you can feel all the way down to your abdomen. Breathe as if you are drawing breath down through your body, into your legs and toes. This type of breathing will cause your belly to expand and contract. The breathing should be one continues process; don’t hold your breath in between. Visualize the air as a white light flowing into and out of you, both relaxing and energizing you. Take two belly breaths, breath normally for a minute, and do another two belly breaths.  Repeat this pattern 10 times.

Deep Muscle Relaxation

Sexual healing relies on deeply relaxed muscles. Deep muscle relaxation is a well-known antidote for anxiety, with special benefits for lovemaking. When you have mastered it, you will know your body so well that if a muscle group becomes tense during lovemaking, you will immediately notice it. You can then consciously and immediately relax so that muscle tension won’t interfere with your lovemaking.

Lie on your back on your bed. Tighten each group of muscles in your body, hold it as tight as you can for a few seconds and then relax it. Start with your rights foot, then left and work your way up your entire body, tensing each muscle group in sequence; feet, calves, thighs, entire legs, buttocks, abdomen, stomach, chest, neck, hands, lowers arms, upper arms, entire arms, face. Remember to keep breathing normally as you do the exercise.      

Palm Energy and Breath Sharing

This is a wonderful way to become aware of the intangible energy in your relationship.

Step 1:

Sit cross-legged facing each other. Gaze lovingly into each other’s’ eyes. Don’t let your gaze waver. Raise your hands and place your palms against each other. Hold them there for 10 seconds. Feel the heat running between the two of you. Now slowly move your hands apart so that they no longer touch but are just close enough so that you can feel a current of energy flow between you. Concentrate on that flow for five minutes.

Step 2:

The combination of palm energy and breath exchange gets your endorphins flowing and takes you to an altered state of consciousness; it will knock your socks off!

Begin the palm energy exercise as described above. When you feel the energy flowing between you, lean together as though you’re going to kiss. Keep your faces close enough together so that you feel your partner’s breath. When one of you breathes in, the other should breath out. Visualize your breathing flowing in a circle; from your mouth to your lungs to your stomach to your pelvis, and then back into your partner and up through his pelvis, stomach, chest, throat and mouth. Now try to reverse this energy circle. Imagine that you are healing your partner by giving him/her the breath of life.

Intercourse Exchanging Breath 

Above exercise can be done during intercourse where the partner dominant (top) at the time leans over his/her partner and breaths into her/his mouth. Movement should be slow and sensuous. This creates a sensational energy circle that both partners can feel; imagining the breath to be a golden light that fills both until they feel it radiating out of them.  

There are loads of exercise and lifestyle disciplines such as meditation, pilates, qigong and yoga that greatly benefit breathing and mindfulness and is guaranteed to elevate your sexual experience along with a plethora of health and wellness benefits. 

Breath grants us life and we should harness its power to the fullest.

Chat soon.

With Love,

Lynett O.

Source: Sexual Healing, 3^rd Edition, by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D